they say confession is good for the soul....
Meeting with the Knights was one of the hardest things we have ever had to do, I think. There was a small, cowardly part of me that really wished we could talk DD out of doing this, just let it go. What they didn’t know couldn’t hurt them, right? Or us? But… I understand that she needed this, even if it went badly. Still, it was hard to be welcomed into their headquarters and treated like guests, knowing what we’d come to say, and how it was likely to go down.

Once again, we have broken something that can’t be fixed or replaced, and this was just acknowledgement of that. And yet, it was, in a way, the most quietly heroic thing I have ever seen anyone do. Own up to a pretty big wrong and wait for the victims to decide what to do about it. Accepting whatever they decided was the right response.

The fallout was as bad emotionally as I had imagined, but not unexpected, except that I had not forseen DragonEye quitting. I suppose I could understand that: his friends were refusing to press charges (which was actually better than I had dared to hope for), and he felt that they weren’t taking his pain and loss into account. And from what happened later, when he stopped by our headquarters, he may never get over this. He’s so bitter and angry, so different from who he was… He’ll be waiting to pounce on our first mistake, so sure we’re going to screw up, or go back to being bad guys. Even though the event happened before we … changed.

Can’t dwell on it, we can’t fix it. We have to move on and try to be the better people we keep saying we are. Even when It isn’t easy – we’ll always be held to a higher standard, and even a small slip or mistake will be seen as a major (and deliberate) breach of trust, or a sign that we’re still working a long con. It’s a lot of pressure…

So, onward. What to do with baby Tara – one issue to resolve. And the question of transportation, beyond my car, I guess.

And… what about Matteo? He’s clearly interested in spending time with me. He hasn’t been reserved about that at all. Since things are fairly quiet and I need to get out of my own head for a while, it might be time to see the city from a tourist’s point of view. Time to deal with the bigger issues later.

And maybe I should talk to him about DD – if this is hurting me as much as it does, I have to wonder how she is feeling about all of it. She and Halcyon are so close, but there’s been some strain lately between them. And Zephyr is always off doing her own thing, and so is Golden Gloves. Having Matteo around has made me aware of one thing – I think I’m a little bit lonely, and I wonder if the others feel it, too. We aren’t any of us very good at sharing – we all feel like it makes us too vulnerable, maybe.

But we all trust each other to look out for us in a fight, so I guess that’s what’s important…
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