"Not once. Not never."
Race: Kobold
Gender: Male
Role: Other
Class/Level: Alchemist/3
A red kobold, 3' tall, gold eyes. Wearing a flask bandoleer, a satchel, a cowboy hat, and a belt with pouches. He rides on a giant Gecko and has a pack Gecko as well.
What does this guy think, he's an Indian?
What is he, a goddamn asshole, what the fuck is he doing?
Not ever, no way.

Now he's Johnny Hammersticks.
Hammering away like he's fucking, Tommy Noble.
What the hell's he doing?

Thinks he's got it going bossa nova. No way.
What is this garbage? What is this?

Oh, I'm king of the trees, I'm the Treemeister. I count on them. But sometimes I pruy, got like to steetlsk

Yeah right. Yeahhh right. This guy's a faggot. This guy's some sort of faggot Indian in the teepee.

Who, this guy thinks he's Captain Knots. Captain Tying Knots. Anyone need some knots tied, they go to him. Fucking bullshit.

This woman's such a bitch. Thinks she's Miss Sand. Drinking outta cups. Being a bitch.

I better have fist. I better have fatalisk. Bardt. Patterscompatlblblb kid in the background going fucking crazy.

Who's this guy? Mista Balloons. Mista Balloon Hands. No way. No way, get real. Like those things.

Mr. Walkway. Mr. Walk down me, I'm the walk way, lead me to the building. Fuck you.

5643, yeah right! You're some stupid bitch. Who payed for that floor? Not me. No way. I'm never paying for no floor ever again. Not once, not never. Nope.

Who's chair is that? Who put that goddamn chair here? It's not my chair. Not my chair, not my problem, that's what I say. No way. Stupid dresses. Stupid flowers.

Lighthouses rule. You don't like the lighthouse? You suck. What is this, the Seashorse Captain? What is this Seahorse Seashell Party? Who didn't invite me?

Why didn't I get invited? Seahorse Sea-hell. What is this? Get real. I'm in love with sea horses. I'm in love with them, they're so beautiful and cute, I'm in love with seahorses.

They're fucking unreal, I love them. They're like all the clocks. I love them. I love seashores, and I love looking at 'em, and I love seashells. I love seashell things. I love things with seashells and seahorses on 'em.

Like blankets.
And towels.
And little bags.
I love 'em.