The Journal of Tal`Orik

The void of my consious has a lingering crack, that has yet to be broken apart. I get flashes of right and wrong, that are quickly covered by a blanket of nothing. This nothing is my defence mechanism. Its what the Father instilled in me with his vigours training. The ability to feel no remorse for killing.

I thought my road to salvation lay with my last group of companions... They were my friends, the very first people who exepted me for who I was, and thought of me better than just a tool. With them I felt normal, with them I was begining to figure out who I was... When they fled or died by the inquisition my void reformed. It has always been a reliable companion, and has helped me deal with their deaths.

With my new companions I feel the same connection as i did before. However I am not entirely myself. Old habits die hard, and I will have to start over again in search of my soul...

I think back to my first "real" mission with my new companions. The plan was very clear, infultrate the barracks and kill no one unless absolutly nessisary. The choice to kill lay before me when one my opponent stupidly turned his back to me. It was almost instinctual, I carved into his arm without a second thought, severing the artery and tendonds in his upper arm. Blood corsed down his arm, making a crimson pool beneath him. He died only moments latter.

All I could think was "oops, man their going to be pissed now". I dont remember feeling anything after killing him. Just that my companions would be mad. Does this make me an evil person? the inability to feel guilt for murder?.. I know its wrong, and damnit im trying to fix myself, but how can I pretend to feel something thats not there!

Mabey with my new companions things will be different. Mabey they can show me how to live again.

Ah I remember it all too well, the feeling of my first kill, the satisfaction of a job well done, and the admiration of a proud father. See… my father is the man responsible for what I have become. From as far as I can remember, I have been taught to kill, trained in deception, and the ability to remain unseen, even in plain sight. I am one of Fathers special children, I am unique. The gift I posses is both a blessing and a curse, the ability to wear the faces of anyone I choose. I wear the face of my enemies, the face of their friends, and family, only to get close to my targets and take life… I have killed countless marks, each time pushing my feelings into a void of numbness, trying to forget the things that I have done. This void is my father’s safety net, one that has been pushed into my brain since my earliest memories… preventing me from feeling the wrongness of my crimes, the guilt of my murders… What father doesn’t know is that this void is slowly breaking apart.

I am beginign to see things anew; with a level of clarity that I have never been able know. It seems as though I am experiencing life for first time, and have come to realize how utterly alone I feel…