Journal Posts

Tag: chance

Hey Love, I've made some... hmm... "friends" seem too strong a word...
Hey Natalia love,

How is the Guild treating ya? Ya know, I still don't understand why you got accepted as a cleaner(OOC: thieve's cant, think The Professional) and I didn't. All those years up on rooftops as lookouts for our brethren, and then you done up and clean three rooms and I get the boot, eh? Awww, shallow water under the bridge, sweetie, it don't bother me no more. I'm gonna needle some though - wouldn't be Chance if I didn't, eh? I was better at the door cleaning and spottin' then you ever was, anyways. You keep your razor broom and catch all the dustmites - I'll stick with me white glove to make sure nothing's left behind.

But I guess I won't eh? It's hard leaving it behind, hun. Just the other day, I ran into this batty witch of an innskeeper--reminds me of you on your bad days. I swear if I coulda pulled out my door drill then, I woulda unscrewed her head 'cause it obviously weren't ticking right. Here I come strolling in the door, pouch FULL o' gold (I'm the treasurer of the group, lass, I didn't steal it. Really! I didn't steal it, I swear! I shared it fair and square amongst everybody! Nobody had the common decency to die so we could get more but that's their rudeness, not mine. Maybe I shoulda let Ragni charge out without me a couple more... no, no, that just ain't right by me, Natalia, no matter how much my greed prods me. Anyways...) just waiting to start chucking it her way--the gold that is, and she sneers! Sneers! The gall of the woman! What right-thinking woman sees a man ready to spend good, hard-earned gold at her establishment and does everything possible to shove 'em out the door! The nerve of the woman--no business sense I tell ya, no business sense. Anyways, I weren't just finding bedspace for myself, oh no, we had to have enough for all eight o' us (can you believe it? Me, running around with 7 other loud, clompin' buffoons? Heh, I can hardly believe it myself. Eh, I'll tell ya later about them), so I hand off the gold (can you believe it! Me, handing gold out so someone else can spend it! I tell ya woman I'm a changed man) to Mark to get us rooms and step back outside. Mark's a good'un--got pointy ears without the long-lived sense so I was wary at first, but he's proved himself on the same page and Code as me too many times. He talks to the right guy in the sky, never thought I'd meet a halfie so smart. I go outside and take care of Mark's horse, but by the time I get back inside the whore is STILL arguing with everyone. Now that no-good backstabbing Drathus, he be spouting off smelly shite just so he can have his own personal comfort, screw everybody else, da bastard (remind me in your letter to apologize to him, luv. He done treat me right and healed me up, but I'm still pissed at the words I heard coming out of his mouth while we stood around that inn). I'm glad I gave Mark the money though - he stood up and wouldn't take no gruff from everybody else, nor her, and we wasn't handing her no gold. So I let off on how the world smelled from my point of view, and hers weren't pretty, I tell you that.
We ended up moving outside of town that night, and got ambushed for it by a bunch of hobgoblins. I tell you sweetie, never in my life have I wanted to go tramping back into town, taking her till and leaving a hobgoblin head as payment in the tillbox and the stew. Woulda served her right, but wouldn't serve ME right, ya know? We followed the hobgoblins home - they had set up a pretty good protection toll racket, I do say so myself, at a bridge between Thistledown and Whoredom(I don't remember the stupid bitch's name, the inn, or the town, alright? Quit laughing at my memory), but they made the mistake of eating too many of the right-paying crossing merchants. Gotta worry about money, or the stomach - can't solve both at the same time. Oh, that's why me and crew gathered in the first place. Some merchant offered to pay us good money to escort him 3 hours. Sounded like a sweet deal, until 8 people showed up, the greedy bastards. AND he never once said it was gonna take 8 frikking hours to cross a bridge! Bah, I'm getting meself worked up again. Anywho, we tracked the hobgobblies back to a broken house they had taken over and hit paydirt! Made out with a little bit more than what you make after a simple cleaning job, and that's after we split it up 8 ways! How you like your little munchkie now, huh? Ha!
So anyways, my new friends. Eh... that hurts just to write and call 'em that. My new... meatbags. Too harsh. Luv, what should I be calling these buffoons? Anyways, they're half a barrel short of a good pony keg, if you get my drift. What's the point of calling me a scout and letting me go first if the first thing you do after I get back is go charging forward and IGNORE everything I just said? I may just start scouting behind them - then it'd make sense that I'm the scout and I'm behind them. Morons.

Mark - Well, he's got a right thinking head on his shoulders. He follows Tymora (OOC: please correct me if I'm wron so I can fix) and has fixed me up a good number o' times after I had to go charging in to save someone's butt from the fire. Got to the point where Mark was charging in with Ragni just to help out. AND, like I said earlier, he had me back at the bitch's place. I like him. He knows when to pull out and nock some feathered fingers of death, and when to grab the big hunkin' screaming mirror of killing out from his sheaths. I'm thinking he's the only one who knows the difference between the two. A damn fine cleric with a blade. (Adding this later - alright, I'll admit, Drathus knows the difference too. I still put a better brain on this man's shoulder's than the other idiot halffie any day though).

Ragni - Ragni. Ragni Ragni Ragni. Oh so poor Ragni. The fool is gonna die one day very soon. And I get the feeling he's going to drag some of us with him. He chose the name "BattleCharger" for himself. Thought he was calling himself a horse, but he was just outlining his battle plan for everyone right off the bat. Wish I'd known or realized that. I have yet to see him EVER hesitate to draw blade and go tearing forward--wait, wait. Yes, I take that back. He didn't go charging forward ONCE--the one time charging forward was warranted and I had to yell at him to charge. 'Course, I didn't need to yell twice. Two buffoons had gone running ahead of me after I told the group to move up and wait at the edge of a bridge with arrows drawn since we had seen the gobblies duck underneath. I would flush them out and everyone else could pepper them. Turns out "MOVE UP AND WAIT" means "you're flushed out! Run forward so you can get hit with their arrows! Run forward into their fire!" Arimanio and Drathus got pegged; Arimanio managed to make it back but Drathus dropped like a stone. I yelled at Arimanio to go back and take care of Drathus since he was closer, and pulled my axes to keep them gobblies under the bridge occupied. For once, Ragni didn't go running forward until I pointed at him and yelled, "Come on!" 'Course, then he practically outpaced me to the bridge. So there we was, me and Ragni and Mark (good ole Markie, charging in with sword too. I told you he's a goodie. I don't even think of him as a dirty halffie no more) trying to keep 3 gobblies and 4 hobgobblies busy. We kept dropping, but Mark and Chickie kept us fit, and we knocked dem gobblies down. I can't tell you how blessed we are to have Mark and Chickie (and yes, even Drathus) around. I wouldn't be writing this here letter if we didn't. Anyways, every other time we encountered ANYTHING there Ragni is, getting in their faces and swinging his morningstar. And it wouldn't be so bad, sweetcheeks, if anybody else could form a line with him. But Drathus and Manwe always have bow and sling pulled, and no matter how much I want to throw Gimble up front he is pretty good with those darts three steps back. So who gets stuck making sure Ragni's not swarmed and letting by hobgobblies to attack Gimble? That's right, me and Mark again. YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I HATE FIGHTING UP FRONT AND I BLAME THIS SHORTIE RIGHT HERE. ...Other than that, Ragni's not so bad.

Arimanio - This guy spouts a LOT of mumbo jumbo, and he's got a lot to learn about the world, sweetie. He's so naive I just want to pet him and tell him it's okay. He calls himself a monk and a guard, and then shows up with no armor and weapons. Excuse me, he shows up with a stick. A stick! I mean, seriously? Seriously? You're gonna face me down with a stick. Ha! I be the first to say he's got fast hands, but I've got a faster blade with your name on it when it comes down to it. (It really does have your name on it, Natalia. I miss you and I can feel you with me everytime I grip it). On the brighter side, he learns from his mistakes. He moves ahead without cover, and he gets hit with an arrow. Guess what? He don't move forward anymore without ducking down and looking for cover, that he doesn't. I'm just hoping he can make it through all of the mistakes life throws at him. From what I can tell based on his movements while setting up camp, we may have kinship in mannerisms, if not at least in mindship. I wonder if he's ever cleaned a door and chest before? He probably pulled out whatever's inside and left it on the owner's bed. Moron.

Drathus - He swings a sword. Fires a bow. He "claims" to cast spells and he keeps holding up his "magic" book, but all I ever see him do is heal us with prayer. Okay, so he's healed me too. And he's willing to heal anybody. But the boy can't make up his mind what he wants to do, and he's just as bad about what weapon to use! Son! Pick a weapon and stick with it! If you want to go charging forward ahead or seperate from everyone else, a bow don't cut it when four of 'em are charging back at you! Stupid idiot mouth shit halffie. I don't wanna get started on him now.

Gimble - Gimble's our gnome and the only one shorter than me. He throws a mean dart, but it helps when you're throwing two or three more times than anyone else. He says he's an illusionist, but the only illusion I've seen is him and his cards taking gold off the monk that Arimanio doesn't have. He calls himself a "Goblin Burner" - well, I've definitely seen he's a lot faster and willing to burn anything without thinking about it. I'm sorry, I don't like my gold and silver to be a giant, melted pile of slag. And everyone says they have a problem with ME and MY mouth - have they heard the curses this boy spits? I mean, don't get me wrong, they're good curses. I wrote a couple down so I could use 'em another day, but he's definitely willing to stick his willie in places I don't think a willie should ever go. That's how crazy he is.

Manwe - I have never met a Druid before. He seems an alright sort. His stones have saved me from a jam or two after I had to rush forward (stupid shortie dwarf). He talks some weird shite like Arimanio, but definitely more world-weary. Actually, very world weary. I ain't never seen no pointed one be so ready to give up on everyone in the world. I hope I can restore some of his faith o' people so he can have more friends than just the ones in the trees. It's good to have someone who can actually talk back to you.

Shut up woman! I weren't talking about you! Back to the kitchen and make me a stew 'afore I raise my other hand! :D

Yeah, yeah, as if I could reach. I do know what is at my eye level and grasp though, heh heh. Oh, if only you were closer.

Chickie - Ya know, I plumb forgot her name. I been calling her Chickie, and I think Rose once 'cause she smells like one (trust me hon, she's the sweetest smelling of the bunch). Chickie is what I call a Cleric Extraordinare. Unlike most smoothskin humans, she knows her rightful place. She stays in the back, keeps us on our feet, and is always ready with a clean bandage and a soothing word, but I ain't never heard her talk back once to Ragni or Mark or I when we yell for her. She's a good young sot, she is. Maybe she's just biding her time and getting a handle on our mettle before she tries to meddle. Hmm... would you meddle with us, Natalia? Are you devious enough to wait long enough so we relax our guard? Yes, yes, I think you are, and I'd better keep a closer eye on Chickie now that I think about it. That's right sweetie, you've made me suspicious of anybody without a freehanging third arm now.

Chance - I met this great, lovable, funny halfling too! He sneaks around until you lose sight of him and then, BAM! Surpise! He pops up behinds you with a jumping bear hug! He's the greatest, and always has a joke on his tongue. Okay, so it's a mite sarcastic the tongue is, but you'd think he's funny, right sweetie? What? You said you've met this fine, upstanding short member of society? Oh no no no, sweetie, no you haven't. I don't think we're talking about the same Chance. He doesn't go crawling through windows or rifling through drawers, this one doesn't. He follows the CODE -
1) Know your place and your skills. Don't say you can do something when you can't - you never want to take the place of someone better and more likely to get killed.
2) Save others so they will save you.
3) Don't cheat your mates - you don't know who has what friends.
4) If you still fall behind after being helped, then you get left behind. No one wants a whiner or a bleater, so be silent and keep up.

Sorta starting to wish our old Guild did this, maybe we wouldn't be so scattered now after being adopted by the cleaners. Oh wait, Chance wasn't adopted, just you. You'll just have to be my friend I can call on in case anyone tries to cheat me, eh? Hmmhrmm... I mean, this great stupendous halfling fellow Chance's friend. You want to be Chance's friend, right? :)

Seriously Natalia, I miss ya. I'll make enough and come back and buy that indenture off of ya, I swear. Then you'll be my slave servant and wouldn't that be an interesting night? Heh heh. Keep safe, be good, be quiet, and don't let the dogs (OOC: more Thieves Cant - Dogs = Guard, police) bite. And always remember - after cleaning the shutters, look DOWN to make sure you know what you're stepping into! Wouldn't want another incident with a vase, would we? :)

With love,

Chauncey Shortstrider (Halfling extraordinaire! Ha!)
<3

P.S. Have you ever tried using those grappling hooks you got made as a weapon? I tried sinking it into the back of a kneecap so we could string somebody up, but it didn't work. Wondering if you've ever had similar thoughts or success.
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Tags: Chance , Recap